It has been 7 months since I left full-time work and 2 months have past since I stopped part-time work. And where did all that time go? January was gone before I realised it and February was a month of celebrations, jumping from sis’ wedding straight to CNY celebrations. So here we are finally in Mar, as I struggle to complete the assignments for my part-time studies. As I look back all the time that has slipped through my hands, I can only conclude whether I care to admit or not, I have a time management issue – I am darn good at wasting time! Always wanting to do so many things only to end up doing nothing well or nothing at all.
I have always been a person with many varied interests and always wanting to try new things and do things. Thus, starting March on a sickly note, having been sick now for 2 weeks, left with a rather persistent cough to battle, turned out to be a blessing in disguise. When you have no energy to do anything and are unable to sleep, you have only one thing left to do, which is to think and reflect, and talk to yourself. And it was during this period that I begin to arrive at some insights as to how I should be moving forward.
Since I left my full-time work, I have been on this journey to find my life’s passion, to understand who I am as a person and what I hope to do in life. And 7 months later, I am not quite if I like the conclusion I am coming to. I have become more aware of what a contradiction I truly am and I am pretty sure I am not alone in this. I enjoy my simple life now, boring though it may be to some; the solitude, the serenity and the simplicity of life makes my heart soar. But my brain hates it. I have a mind who enjoys complexities, who likes to turn things over again and again to think it through, who enjoy abstraction, ideas and challenges. That leaves me with a very difficult question, as I prepare to move into the next season of my life (so fast!) whether I should be focusing on pleasing my head or my heart.
Actually it isn’t really so hard to choose. I mean the past 14 years of my professional life was spent ‘pleasing’ the head and where has that gotten me to? Burnt out. While I won’t possibly last very long without cognitive challenges, I have learnt that my well-being rests in a very large part on the state of my heart. As such, as I consider my next full-time job, I will perhaps have to forego some privileges and desires in order to ensure that my heart is well-taken care of as well. Having time for crafts, being able to go to the theatre, energy to catch up with friends and space to be alone… these are all important aspects to my well-being and moving forward, will definitely have to be intentionally scheduled into my life as I embark on the next leg of my professional journey. At the same time, I possibly will also have to adjust my expectations and behaviour at work so as to guard this person space.
So you can see, I’ve got the theory part worked out (how like me!) and it will possibly take me a while more to figure out how to really do this, that’s the practical part… and more time before I get myself actually moving. As such, in case anyone is wondering, I am not going back to work this soon, but I have started thinking about going back to work. Not quite sure if this is a good thing, I’ll just be taking a step at a time. And in the meantime, I will continue to smell the roses, enjoy sights and sounds that catch my attention, and spend time chilling out with friends, as often as I can and remember to.