When finding love ain’t straightforward (Part 4)

I am glad that I took time to write about my attempt-to-date journey. Contrary to what many thought, I am neither ashamed nor bitter about my failure to get myself hitched. In fact, writing about this showed me I am actually quite alright where I am right now.

Writing also brought back memories of those embarrassing episodes which made me laugh at how silly I was, and perhaps still am. I was also reminded how during those more negative moments, friends and family stood by my side and encouraged me. And I realised now I was never quite alone on this journey. I had friends, single and married, who gave advice, gave their time, offered potential candidates etc,  prodding alongside me.

Like I said in Part 1, having come some way, I write and share so that others can avoid the same traps and hopefully get to their destination faster.

This is also my way of making peace with this world, where well-meaning folks have throughout the years told me I did not try hard enough or that I was too picky. For someone who has tried and failed, these accusations were painful to bear; it is never easy to share how often you get rejected on this journey. People often politely assume that I did all the rejection when most of the time this wasn’t true. I guess these were the times when pride prevented me from being completely honest. Even when I was candid, few took me seriously, which made me feel worse. But that is all in the past now.

At this point in my life, I would use the phrase “decidedly single” to describe myself, where singleness has been accepted as part of my identity and I will no longer consider it a priority to change this status. It might sound negative or petulant to some, which I can’t help, but I would like to put it out that I have good reasons for saying so.

As illustrated in the three earlier posts, my efforts have met with little success, and I have made sufficient iterations to conclude perhaps I was solving the wrong problem. In view of limited time and resources, I certainly need to revisit my priorities.

I do have a choice. I can continue to explore new avenues that could possibly help me find Mr Right; I could focus on one or two more promising avenues and try again; or, I could switch to doing something else altogether with my time and energy. And it really isn’t hard to see why I went with the last option. There is much in life to pursue beyond pursuing this imaginary Mr Right.

However, I must clarify that it is not my intent to discourage anyone who is still on the journey from their search. In fact, I would like to encourage all to press on and make better use of the avenues than I did. And for those who have yet to start, to encourage them to start earlier rather than later. Because this is going to take more time and take longer than you can imagine. So here, I wish the rest of you who are embarking or still on this journey all the very best.

In parting, let me say a big ‘Thank You’ to all of you who have been part of this journey. Even though the path led to nowhere, you made these travels bearable to the point of fun, and memorable as well. And now, with all your love and well-wishes, I am ready to move into a new season of decided singlehood in life, which I know would be just as fun and hopefully more meaningful.

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