There is much to be thankful for as I reflect upon the year almost past. Ironically, this year, I am most thankful to be thankful that I am single. Yes, quite a mouthful but not as bad as the name of a particular…
Over the past year, I have come to a better understanding of who I am, and words I would use to describe myself include perfectionist, uncompromising, critical, idealistic, hopeful, irrational… You get the drift. But don’t get me wrong, I do like myself. I like who I am and simply want to be myself to the fullest, mindful and careful of the potential negative impact of these traits on others.
And as I do that, I come to realize there are trade offs in life. The freedom, spontaneity and options I have presently have very much to do with my status as a single. Of course I am missing out the fun of couple hood, I am keenly aware of that with both siblings married within the span of 6 months not too long ago; but I am also spared the pains of being one half of a couple. And I also know I am not relationship or dating adverse. I just happen to be and choose to be happy with status quo as well.
Being single at my age is not easy. Even my younger friends are married with kids or in serious relationships, it is hard being the odd one out. However, perhaps due to the goodness of my friends or due to my rather abrasive personality, I have never felt neglected or left out. I have come to accept that I see some friends less and will never see others without their ‘entourage’, but that doesn’t mean our relationships are not as strong. I would like to think that friendships evolve with life stages and I am thankful that people still bother to keep in touch even when they are bogged down by all that are happening in their lives.
Being single also means I have time to invest in relationships that matter, give my energies to causes that I care about, able to make space for the hobbies I enjoy and make changes to my lifestyle without having to think about how it will impact my other-half (even though aging parents have become an increasing concern).
And in case you think I am advocating singleness or just being delusional about my status, I just want to clarify that I do live the pains of singleness. Going to eat at my favorite restaurants alone, going to watch movies alone… Loneliness is real, though I am inclined to see it as an irregular occurrence and certainly can be managed. I do have moody and emotional days where I wanna grab a man off the street and bully him into marrying me, but I generally come to my senses quite quickly.
Overall, 2015 hasn’t been easy and I continue to struggle with all that I struggle with, but I am thankful, for many things… Family (and that includes my tight-knit extended family members), friends (all the listening ears, encouragers and prayer warriors, you know who you are), spiritual leaders and role models (ever gentle in admonishing and directing me onto the right path), God’s provision of a job and meeting all my physical needs, the clear skies that never fail to lift my spirits, the daily miracle of doing all that I manage to fit into my day, enjoying what I do and my own company… I guess 2015 ain’t all that bad after all.
So, on that note, farewell 2015. You will not be missed as you have been lived. Onward now to a better 2016, for the best is always yet to be!
Happy New Year!