It has been two weeks since my memorable (not in a good way) first weekend at Oxford, and I continue my journey here with a mix bag of feelings.
My first engagement with the Department of Education simply blew my mind away. On the very first day of induction, we had a series of introductions where faculty members and Year 2/3 DPhil students came by in turn; not only to provide us with an overview of the department and what to expect in the days to come, they also shared candidly their personal DPhil journeys and to give their reassurance that we’ll be fine. Their sharing was really heartfelt and sincere; which made me feel really welcome and cared for, even though I was somewhat reeling from the information overload.
As we eased from Week 0 (induction) to Week 1, we began to find the readings we needed to do prior to our seminars, posted on Canvas (Oxford’s Learning Management System). And so the learning begins. There was so much to read that it was simply impossible not to feel overwhelmed; and that is not counting the pre-recorded videos that we were also expected to watch. I was honestly struggling to just be prepared for our face-to-face classes, and was totally impressed to learn that many of my classmates were not only coping well, but also running their startups or working part-time as they do their DPhil full-time. It is truly tough to not compare myself with others and to simply focus on what I needed to do.
That said, there is something else that needs to be said about these readings. Truth be told, they were not quite what I was expecting myself to be reading, but they certainly forced me to think a lot deeper than I would have, about my research and my beliefs about education, research and the world. Needless to say, my brain got caught in a whirlwind, and if I might add, I am still swirling in that whirlwind. I do feel tired, at the end of each day, often times feeling like I have accomplished nothing, but also reminding myself to take it slow and that I’ll eventually pick up pace once I am adjusted into this new student/research mode.
Moving into my second week at Oxford, I wouldn’t claim to be more settled but I am now able to find my way from my accomodation to the department and my college without having to use Google Maps as a guide. I have also learnt through ‘field experience’ how to keep wasps, spiders and other native pests in Oxford out of my apartment (and keeping fingers crossed that they stay that way). And I have started exploring a bit more of the neighbourhood, where I was truly intrigued to see the juxtaposition of tradition and modernity in Oxford, with the Oxford University Press and the Blavatnik School of Government on opposite sides of the same street, with completely contrasting architectural styles.
Looking back at this rather rough start to a new season in my life, with its ups and down, I am grateful that there remains reasons for me to feel hopeful and for the immense support I receive from the people around me. I realise I am also beginning to perhaps settle in, as I start live in the moment and attend to the details in my surroundings (instead of being too filled with anxiety to enjoy my surroundings).
Just a few days ago, as I walked through the University Parks to get to my college, I couldn’t help but notice and enjoy the clear blue skies and the vibrant greenery around me.
Today, I matriculated to officially become a member of this prestigious University of Oxford, ceremoniously marking the start of my journey with this institution. To be honest, I wasn’t too excited about it, dreading the super early reporting time of 8:30 am in the morning, as well as the need to be dressed up in formal wear and according to the specifications given by the university. Yet, there was something special in that short ritual that seemingly laid to rest the question if I belonged. And I should also admit that there was much fun after that, taking photos with friends from both the college and department in our sub fusc.
And after a long, exhausting day and some really trying and draining two weeks, I am ready for a cup of tea, a nice novel and a quiet space to retreat and be alone.
An Ordinary City Dweller 